I feel raw today. I have been working on a book for Vivi for Christmas, a book of her stories, stories about her life, and of her life, and stories about AngryBoy… and I have pulled all of these photos from the last three years and three months into one place, plus all the photos we have of them in Haiti.. and I sit with them in the evenings and sift through them and try to organize the pictures and my memories into some configuration that makes sense. How? How can she make any sense of it, if I can’t?
Today I heard this song, (from Steven Curtis Chapman’s new CD, Beauty Will Rise) and a dam of tears burst forth. This is terrible quality video of it.. you really, really have to invest the whopping 99 cents on iTunes… It’s worth every penny. I’ve only listened to the song about 14 times in a row today.
Speaking of joy and pain…
Malnourished Haitian babies fattening up… JOY!
Remember these miracles?
One little miracle went to live with Jesus. Shock. And pain….
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Tomorrow I will run 15 miles in preparation for the Disney Marathon. I will do it for these women who live in Simone Pele, one of the poorest slums in Haiti. Three of my children were born very near here, in Cite Soleil. Some days I struggle to reconcile the knowledge that while I run to help them, while I sweat and ache, when I am done, I come home to my beautiful house, soak in my whirlpool tub, and sleep in my queen-sized bed. I just don’t know what to do with that.
So I’ll just keep running. And keep asking for your help… If you donate just $5 through Homebound Mission’s website, they’ll send you a bracelet made in Haiti! (Dude. That’s pretty nice. All I’m giving you is my undying love…).
1 Comment
November 7, 2009 at 8:34 pm
I don’t know how to make sense of it. I don’t know how my son makes sense of it. He’s run the gamut on emotions concerning his brother. Love. Anger. Hate. Sorrow. Longing. I wish the process got easier with time but it seems that at every new phase of development, we have to revisit some aspect of his past, THAT past, again.
It took 2 years for me to look at a picture of him and not cry. Even now, it sometimes catches me off guard. The grief was overwhelming. Let yourself cry, scream, rage at the unfairness of it all. It will get better. Just as God is working good through these things, He will work in you for your good and healing as well.