And the Weiner is……….

You have to forgive me.  You can’t have two of these little hot dogs and ever say the word “winner” correctly again…

But that’s not what you’re here for, is it?  Well then, let’s get to it.  Hey there WildGirl, are you ready to pick the weiner?

Ok, then, reach into the hat bag…  Just pick one, now….

Who wins the $30 Gift Card to Bath & Body Works, WildGirl?

YAY!!!!! CONGRATULATIONS!!!! (And Dude!  Way to squeak it in under the wire.. you were the last entry!)

Hey.

What are you three mugs looking so pouty about?  You don’t think it’s fair WildGirl gets to pick a weiner and you don’t?

Well, what are you going to give away, then?  Do you have some kind of Conso-Lotion Prizes?? (Ah-hahahahahaha!)

Ok then, give ‘em away!  Tina, who get’s the Warm Vanilla Sugar?

YAY! Congratulations Jill from TinRoofCabin!

Jess, who gets the much-coveted Coconut Lime Verbena?

Nicole from nlrphoto.com! And it’s your favorite!! YAY!!

Ok, BabyBoy, who wins the Holiday Special: Festive Vanilla Fig?

My girl, Laura McB!  My boy has got your number!! xoxo

To everyone that won, I am so happy for you!  And for everyone that didn’t win… DAMMIT!    But seriously, I have had a ton of fun doing this giveaway.. so much so that I am going to run another starting tomorrow, and another next week!  Because I love November, I love Thanksgiving, and I love, love, love the season of gratitude. Thanks for helping me celebrate it!

(Winners, we’ll be doing some email exchanging, so I can get yer prizes out to you ASAP.  If you see this before I send you an email, send me your mailing address: jcwaters2002@yahoo.com)

Bath & Body Works’ online promotion (buy 3 get 2 free) is still in effect as of right this second.  To take advantage of the $10 off your $30 order, use the online promo code “tenthirty”.  You can also get this offer in the store, just walk in and they are handing those coupons out like candy.  And remember, B&BW doesn’t pay me a nickel for running this giveaway.  I just do it out of the goodness of my heart.

All together now…

Awwwwwwwwwwwww……………

And.. PUBLISH!

Some Days I am an Awesome Mom

and some days, not-so-much.

Today, in the not-so-much category.  NOT for lack of trying.

Apparently, Vivi did not get the memo that I am an awesome RAD mom.  Because today, no matter what super magic ju-ju I brought out, the girl was just NOT going for it.

The day started out sooo nicely.  Which was kind of surprising, given that yesterday was a 3 red box day.  But today, she got up, was so pleasant and agreeable.  She said, “Mom, I feel happy today.  I am going to make good choices and have a good attitude today.”  I generally don’t get too excited about these kinds of statements.  They have two possible translations.  1) I feel happy today, I plan to make good choices and have a good attitude.  or 2) Heh. I am planning to lull you into thinking I am making good choices, and then stab you in your soft underbelly.

But she had a fairly good morning.  Good attitude.  Respectful, responsible, followed directions the first time.  Pleasant.  Had a nice lunch.

Then.

Decides she’s going to fold the washcloths in half and then in thirds, instead of in half and then in half.  (This is a deliberate choice.. passive aggressive defiance.  Do you see me?  Do you see me not obeying you?  I will do what I want! Ha!)

Decides she’s going to take t.h.i.r.t.y. minutes to fold half a load of laundry.  (Again, verrrry deliberate.  Are you noticing?  I know you wanted to go grocery shopping.  Let me control the afternoon.)

Decides she’s not going to answer me when I speak to her. (Disrespect.  Defiance. This is always an expectation in our house.)

And that she will pet the dogs whenever she thinks I’m not looking. (Heh.  I will do what I want, when I want.  You can’t stop me.  You don’t even see me!)

And.

And.

And.

Like Chinese water torture.

Until finally, it is bedtime.

At 6:00.

Good night!  Tomorrow is another day!

**************************************************************************************

Don’t forget! Less than 24 hours to enter the Bath & Body Works Giveaway!! I’m sooooo excited!!

Party Planning 101

So, first off, let me say that I’ve decided to do away with the RAD Moms Spring Fling Ice Cream Sundae Pajama Party.

Don’t cry!

Because I’ve just decided to make it more inclusive!  (I am a more inclusive kind of gal!)

We’re now looking at the Super Moms Spring Fling.  Because you don’t have to be a RAD Mom to have a challenging job.  You don’t even have to have a kid with special needs.

And frankly.. if you read here, and you don’t have kids.. and you still want to come to my party.. this is your personal invitation, yo.  Because I know there are scores of women that would give anything they have to be a mom.  So scratch the Super Moms Spring Fling.  We’re now having a SuperWomen Spring Fling (which will include an ice cream sundae pajama party, for those of you that were worried about missing that).  And the theme will be:

Where: Roanoke, Virginia (yes, we have an airport)

When: Tentatively, March 20-21 (if you’re flying in, you’ll want to come the 19th)

Hotel: Tentatively, this one.  It is one mile from the airport.  There is a free shuttle.  And my sweet husband and I will rent a bus or whatever we need for the weekend so that no one needs to rent a car.  Also, there is a restaurant on site that serves breakfast and supper.  OR.. we can get stuff brought in to keep costs down.  But it is the only hotel in town that has a conference room large enough to hold more than about 10 people.  There is free wireless internet.  You can blog about what an awesome time you are having.  Except you will be having too much fun to take time out to blog.  Maybe just long enough to say, “I am here and you are not.  SUCKAZ!”  Oh, and kids eat free.  But you don’t care.  Because you’re not bringing yours.. hahahahahaha!

Schedule of Events:  Ok, this is your party.  So I’m asking you, what do you want to do?  My goals are: 1) keep it as inexpensive as possible, so that as many women that want to come, can come.  2) Give you a weekend of fun, but also give you time to rest and relax.  So tell me your ideas.  Here are some of my thoughts, none of which are etched in stone…

Friday night:  informal gathering of anyone who comes in that night

Saturday morning:

-Gather for breakfast & activity in hotel

-(possibly) go for a short hike up Mill Mountain(round trip 3.5 miles) to the Star of Roanoke with a picnic lunch. If the weather does not suck.  (This could move to Sunday.)

-free (nap) time

-break-out time.  (ie. a potential time for a parents’ panel for RAD moms, meeting time for autism moms.. whatever other “groups”.. we will find something for everyone.)  I want people to feel like they are going home with new tools in their toolbox to help them continue to meet their daily challenges… thoughts?

-dinner

-free time

-evening- Gather IN PAJAMAS for ice cream sundaes.  and a movie?

Sunday:

-Morning run (for those interested) and sleep in (for those not interested)

-Brunch

-some type of pampering activity: I’d love to see if I can get some massage therapists, manicurists, pedicurists, etc to come in for some spoiling.  What else?

-What else?  What else do you want to do?  Tell me your ideas!!!

AND… tell me if you think you’ll want to come.  Now listen, I’m not writing your name down in blood and taking this as your solemn vow.  I’m just trying to get some idea of how many folks are interested.  If you don’t want to tell me in the comments, e-mail me at jcwaters2002@yahoo.com .  Remember: you don’t have to be a RAD Mom.  You don’t have to be a MOM.  I am going to go out on a limb and call this a Girls Only event (yes? I think yes..)

Ok, fire away..

What’s Missing?

Want to play a game?

What’s missing from my blog?

One thing that was in the sidebar on the right…

One post that got 23,546 hits in 32 days…

You know what it means, right?

God is good.

So

so

so

good.

Amen.

Today’s Run

Remember those 15 miles I was going to run today?

I ran ‘em!

I felt really good for the first 10 miles.  I felt moderately good for the next 3 miles.  At 13 miles, I was really, really spent.  I prayed. Ok, God.  I am cooked.  I have not run more than 13 miles in 11 years.  I am not having fun any more.  I need you.  Please, please help.

I listened to this song… two or three times…

And I just kept thinking.. forward motion.. just keep making forward motion…

Somehow, I finished.  I finished!

The pizza man is making dinner tonight, I’ll tell you that.  And I’m fixin’ to take a big fat nap on the couch, no matter how loud my sweet husband blasts his (guitar) amp in the basement.  It matters not.

I started freaking out a little bit about 15 miles and how much farther 26 miles is.. and then I remembered that I still have 62 days left to get ready.  I will be ready.

Right this minute, the only thing I’m ready for is my nap…

On Never Letting ‘em See You Cry

Do you cry in front of your kids?

That’s a hard question for me to answer, because I think, yes, I do.. I know they’ve seen me cry, plenty of times.. but I also know that I try not to cry in front of them.  And I realize that for me, part of the difference is which child it is.  I have no problem crying in front of my “normal” kids, because they understand when I explain that when I get very frustrated, or sad, that I cry, and then I feel better.  That it helps me “get the mad or sad feelings out.”  I learned not to cry in front of AngryBoy (who, you know what, I’m done calling AngryBoy.. let’s just call him by his CHASK name, Daniel), no matter what.  Because Daniel would smirk, and he would store that up, and use those tears against me, verbally taunting me, “awww…. you cwwying wike a widdle baby?”  I had plenty of frustration and sorrow for Daniel.. but I could not give him the satisfaction of seeing that he got to me that way.  With Vivi, she has often expressed that she feels “scared” when I cry.  ”I don’t like it,” she says.  And so I try not to.

The problem is, I feel like I have deferred two years of grief with Daniel.  In many ways, we have spent most of the last two years in chaos… first, dealing with the daily crises of living with the aftermath of what happened, dealing with his out-of-control behaviors, trying to find help and running into brick walls, etc, etc, etc.  And then getting him into residential and trying to regain some normalcy and help everyone heal.. and deal with Vivi as her behavior really popped.. and then moving and buying a house and trying to sell a house (and failing.. and finding that you have a massive mold infestation..) and dealing with the Medicaid fiasco.. and oh, you know, daily life with a husband and 6 kids and 3 dogs.  Who has time for grief?

Last week, Vivi had seven straight days of complete and utter defiance.  Remember that chart we hung on the fridge and she had 8 green boxes filled in? Geez Louise.  Then she lost her freakin’ mind, dug her heels in and decided she wasn’t doin’ nuthin’ anyone wanted her to do.  For twenty-two boxes, people!  Seriously, it is a good thing I don’t drink, or I might have a problem by now.

Anyway, by box 22, I was about out of my mind.  That evening, I pulled her onto the couch with me and cradled her on top of me.  I started out talking to her about her crazy choices of the last 7 days, and as I did, I heard the word “crazy” in my own head, and the lightbulb came on.  I realized she was back to working on her goal of trying to get everyone to think she was “crazy”.  In her mind, if she was “crazy,”  if her “brain was broken”.. the words we had used to try and explain to they kids why Daniel did the terribly bad things that he did.. then she could join him at his residential treatment facility (RTC).  All of this.. these 7 days of outrageous behavior… was her desperate attempt, again, to get to the one person she loved.

I explained to her, again, that no matter what she did, she could not go live at the RTC (she has visited him there).  That there is nothing wrong with her brain.  (While I do think there are things wrong with her brain, I do not think it is helpful to give a RAD child one more excuse for their behavioral choices.  While Vivi’s attachment disorder may make it difficult for her to attach to me, for example, it is not the reason that she chose to be defiant for 7 days.. those were very deliberate choices.. and she would be the first person to tell you so.)  That even if I wanted to send her to live at the RTC, that there was an admissions team that would not let her in.  That there would be no way to pay for it.  That her doctor had already told them that there was nothing wrong with her.

And then, I told her that I was sorry.  I told her that I was sorry that Daniel had to go there.  I told her that in a perfect world, that she would live in Haiti with her first mom, and her Haiti sisters, and Daniel, and BabyBoy.  That they would have all lived there together, and she and her brothers would never have had to go to the orphanage.  That no one would have ever hurt Daniel the way they did.  They would never have had to leave Haiti. I told her that in a perfect world, that’s how it would have been.

And I said, I’m sorry that it’s not a perfect world, baby.  And I’m sorry that people in Haiti don’t have enough to eat, and they don’t have clean water to drink.  I’m sorry that your mom couldn’t take care of you.  I’m sorry that she brought you to the orphanage.  I’m sorry that you were there for so long.  I’m sorry that people hurt Daniel.  I’m sorry that you had to be adopted.  I’m sorry that you had to leave Haiti. And as I was talking, this tough little street fighter of mine, her eyes got bright and shiny, and I realized that she was going to cry… and that I was, too.. And I’m sorry that you feel so mad and sad inside all the time, baby.  I really am.  If I could reach inside of you and take all of that mad and sad away for you, I would do it in a heartbeat… and we lay there for a few minutes, letting the tears roll down our cheeks.

When the moment passed, I continued.. I know sometimes you feel mad and sad, and you don’t know why.  And when you do, a lot of times you are mean to me.   I am here, and you know that you are safe with me, and so you think it is okay to be mean to me.  And I can take it.  But you know what?  It is not my fault, Vivi.  It is not my fault that people are hungry in Haiti, or that there’s no clean water.  It’s not my fault that your Mom brought you to the orphanage.  It’s not my fault that people hurt Daniel.  I did adopt you, yes.  I did take you out of Haiti.  I didn’t do those things to be mean to you, but because I love you.  I know that you miss Daniel so, so much.  And it is my fault that Daniel went to the RTC.  Do you know what would have happened if Daniel had not gone to the RTC?

We discussed Daniel’s behavior in the home, which she knew about, and his escalating behaviors at school, which she had not known about, and how without treatment, he would have been removed from our home eventually (IMHO).  She seemed shocked by this possibility, and asked if he would still have been sent to the RTC.  I told her he would likely have been sent to an RTC, but not the one that we chose for him.I explained to her that we had worked very hard to get Daniel into this specific RTC, as we felt it was the best in the country, and that we worked hard all the time to make sure he could stay there as long as his therapist felt it was good for him.

I started to tell her that we didn’t like having to send one of our babies away……..and spent the next several minutes just choking back sobs, trying to regain the ability to speak again...but that sometimes moms and dads have to do really, really hard things, if that’s what’s best for their kids.

We stayed on the couch for a good 10 minutes after that, talking about this and that.  I’d love to say that this was Vivi’s big epiphany, the moment that turned it all around for her, wham0-blamo, she’s cured of RAD.  She went up to bed, and engaged in some testing behaviors (bedtime is usually smooth for her, but, you know, intimacy breeds fear breeds lemme act out a wee bit now).  The next day, 3 green boxes.  Then, green/red/green.  Today, she has two reds already.  Who knows what tomorrow will bring.

Someone once told me, “Life is like a box o’ chocolates.”

I have no idea what they were talking about.

Joy and Pain

I feel raw today.  I have been working on a book for Vivi for Christmas, a book of her stories, stories about her life, and of her life, and stories about AngryBoy… and I have pulled all of these photos from the last three years and three months into one place, plus all the photos we have of them in Haiti.. and I sit with them in the evenings and sift through them and try to organize the pictures and my memories into some configuration that makes sense.  How?  How can she make any sense of it, if I can’t?

Today I heard this song, (from Steven Curtis Chapman’s new CD, Beauty Will Rise) and a dam of tears burst forth.  This is terrible quality video of it.. you really, really have to invest the whopping 99 cents on iTunes…  It’s worth every penny.  I’ve only listened to the song about 14 times in a row today.

Speaking of joy and pain…

Malnourished Haitian babies fattening up… JOY!

Remember these miracles?

One little miracle went to live with Jesus.  Shock.  And pain….

**************************************************************************

Tomorrow I will run 15 miles in preparation for the Disney Marathon.  I will do it for these women who live in Simone Pele, one of the poorest slums in Haiti.  Three of my children were born very near here, in Cite Soleil.  Some days I struggle to reconcile the knowledge that while I run to help them, while I sweat and ache, when I am done, I come home to my beautiful house, soak in my whirlpool tub, and sleep in my queen-sized bed.  I just don’t know what to do with that.

So I’ll just keep running.  And keep asking for your help… If you donate just $5 through Homebound Mission’s website, they’ll send you a bracelet made in Haiti!  (Dude.  That’s pretty nice.  All I’m giving you is my undying love…).

 

 

I know you want to know…

and I sooooo want to tell you..

One month ago today I posted a plea, asking for help in finding a family for our son.

The truth is, when I sat down that morning, I had no idea what I was going to blog about.  We had decided on disruption months before, but taking any actual steps forward had been so agonizingly painful that we had just been unable.

I sat down to write, and I just told you our story.  I put it all out there.  I wanted to be honest.  I didn’t want people to contact us with interest, to have to share the painful details again and again, to have them draw back in horror, to keep reliving our trauma.  If I was straightforward right from the start, you knew whether this was something you could handle or not.

I hit publish.

People linked.  And linked.  And linked.  And suddenly, my little blog that used to get 200 hits on a good day, was well over 200 hits.  And I thought.. this might work.  This really.could.work!

And I reached out.  For weeks, I spent whole days searching the internet for people I didn’t know, blogs I hadn’t read, sites I didn’t know about, asking anyone and everyone:  Please, read our story.  Please, pray for us.  Please, consider posting the link.

And you did.  I cannot express to you how grateful I am.  Your support sustained me.  Your emails inspired me.  You gave me hope.  (Stop me before I break into the chorus of You are the wind beneath my wings...)

But seriously.  Y’all even battled the stalkers for me.  That is BIG.

As of this morning, that post has had 23,342 hits.

We think we have the right family for our son.  (We are just waiting to see their homestudy, to make sure they are who they say they are.  Because, yo, this is the internet age, and there are all kinds of crazies out there.  But if everything checks out… W.O.W.)   To respect their privacy, I can’t tell you anything about them.  Except that I am thrilled.  Just totally thrilled.  I talked to the Mom for a long time one day, and I loved her.  Because they have the experience, the compassion, the smarts, the WIT, the tenacity, the patience, the faith.. everything we were looking for, and more.  It was like God looked down, designed exactly the right family, and sent them to us.

(Can’t you hear God?  “Well, DUH.  That’s what you ASKED me to do, isn’t it?”)

(Is it sacrilegious to imagine God saying “Well, DUH?”  Because if it is, I take it back.  But I do imagine that he rolled his eyes and shook his head and heaved a big exhausted sigh at me.  Again.)

If things check out, I will take down the Family Needed post.  I will take down the picture in the sidebar.  I will have CHASK take down his story (his name is not really Daniel, for those of you that wondered.)

I really can not thank you all enough.

Thank you.

I’m so Grateful I’m Doing a Giveaway

I love Thanksgiving.  Love it.  Love, love, love it.  I use it as an excuse to celebrate thankfulness and gratitude all month long.  And to dream about pie.  But that is another post.

And today, I’m grateful for you.  So I’m going to give you a present!  Yay!

My kids, being brown, need to put lotion on every day.  Their skin just needs it, or they get sooo dry and ashy and itchy.  And if there is anything they hate, it is putting cream on.  HATE. IT.  But the one thing they like  is using my cream, because that is a special treat.  So (genius that I am) I have taken to keeping about a dozen bottles of cream in my bathroom, and every day for a month, I have allowed them to use “my” cream.  They think they are getting to do something special, so they do it eagerly and without complaint, and I get kids with healthy skin, and don’t have to nag.

WIN/WIN!

My favorite creams are “body creams” from Bath & Body Works.  I like that they are thicker than lotion, so they seem to moisturize better.  I only buy the scents I like, and that makes it extra nice to snuggle up to my good smelling kids.  (None of my kids have allergies/exzema.. except the white one.. we’re lucky.)

And today, I got an email from Bath & Body Works that they are running a promotion that from now until Nov. 22, you can get $10 off any $30 purchase (which is awesome).  AND, in addition, body creams are currently Buy 3, get 2 free.  Also awesome.

COR! SHUT UP! WHAT DO WE GET ALREADY??

$30 Gift Certificate to Bath & Body Works! Which is enough to get you five 8 oz tubes of body cream if you hurry and take advantage of both of these promotions (or, you know, whatever else you want, instead)

To enter, go to the Bath & Body Works site and tell me which fragrance is your favorite, or which fragrance you would most like to try.  The winner will be chosen on TUESDAY, NOV 10 (my Mom’s birthday!.. no, this does not give you long.. but I do not have a long attention span!) at 7:00 p.m. when I throw all the names in a hat and WildGirl pulls one out.  Because that is how we roll, chez Waters.

Oh.  And just so you know, Bath & Body Works does not know I exist.  They do not know I am doing a giveaway.  They do not give me any money.  They seem perfectly content to take my money on a regular basis, but that is the full nature of our relationship.

And if B&BW tests their products on baby seals or something, please do not tell me.  Cuz I really, really, really like their cream.

My Daughter the Journalist

The school newspaper came out today.  And my girl, my 13 year old baby, had the front page article!  Which I had not read before it came out.  And I am so impressed, because that girl can write!   My chest is all puffed out, and I am re-printing it here.  It is about School Spirit Week.

One Week a Year by Jess Waters

I originally wrote a massive article on the topic of school spirit.  It was over two pages in Microsoft Word (somewhere in the 600-700 word range) and that wasn’t even done yet.

My article was originally titled “But Isn’t This All Just Stupid Anyways?”  I wish I could say it was a cynical but controlled criticism of emotional attachment to one’s educational institution, but it was really just me whining about having to re-hang the green and yellow streamers when people tore them down between class periods.

I had a-million-and-three snide remarks, but the thing was–after reading over my own words–I noticed how clumsy and gawky they sounded.  I kept contradicting myself in my writing, not even realizing I was doing it.  Every argument I made, I refuted.  I rambled.  I couldn’t make a point.

Well, the point was that I certainly couldn’t turn this article in to my Journalism teacher and expect it to be published.  I spent days struggling to figure out how to write this article, trying to figure out why my first draft was such a failure, why I didn’t like it.  I kept promising Mrs. (Teacher) the article was “almost done” after spending an hour a night staring at a blank document.  I came this close to giving up and writing an article about extra credit, instead.  But just before I typed out that first extra credit related sentence, I had an epiphany.

Before, I had interpreted all this “spirit week stuff” as a desperate attempt to create that impossible-to-achieve intimacy with students.  I interpreted this as an opportunity to make each individual student feel special.  But I don’t think that’s what it is.  I think it’s better than that.

Spirit Week is an opportunity to create unity, to create memories.  The point is to be able to look back ten years from now at the blur of classes and crushes and extracurricular activities, and to remember what it felt like to see the homecoming game stands packed so full that the overflow meant that half the people in the opposing team’s stands were rooting for (OurSchool’sTeam) too!

The point of Spirit Week is to remember what it was like to see an English teacher busting some crazy Michael Jackson moves on the middle of the football field.  The point is to remember, in the words of student (Firstname Lastname), that “school can be fun for one week a year.”

Spirit Week is not about creating intimacy.  It’s about creating a spectacle.  It’s about having the time of your life.  It’s about having the Class of Dimes going out with a bang, and the freshman coming in with a boom, and the sophomores and juniors making a heck of a lot of noise of their own.