Holiday Service

Yesterday I was on my way home from the pharmacy when I saw a neighbor at the end of the street working in his yard.  I didn’t know this neighbor; in truth, I know very few of my neighbors, as it seems that most of them work during the day, and I’m a bit of a hermit.  He had a huge yard, and there were two long piles of leaves that traversed the entire length of the yard, as well as a pile that went in the ditch all the way around the perimeter.  We had been watching the huge oak tree in his yard for weeks with some amusement, as it hung on to its leaves long after all of the other trees in the neighborhood were bare, but now it had clearly dumped them all at once.  The guy was working alone, and I knew that we had snow forecast for today.  I thought, He is never going to make it.

When the school bus pulled in front of the driveway, I loaded the kids into the car with their gloves and coats, a rake, and some leaf bags, and drove down to his yard.  I pulled in, unloaded my circus clowns, and made introductions.  It turns out it was not his house; he was about my age and had grown up in this neighborhood.  His mother still lived across the street.  This house belonged to an elderly woman, who was 88, and had just had knee replacement surgery.  I told him my crew was noisy, but they were pretty cheap, because they worked for cake. (Literally.  I had promised that if they helped the neighbor, I would buy cake for dessert.)

We bagged leaves for over an hour.  Jessica’s bus passed by and dropped her at home, and she walked back down and dug in.  The man’s mother came from across the street to find out who this motley crew was.  She told me all about her sons, and the neighbor, and how the church youth group used to come and rake leaves for the elderly until a few years ago when the youth leader moved away, and everything kind of disintegrated.  (Jessica later said to me, “Mom, YOU should become the youth leader!”  I looked around the dinner table and said, “I already AM a youth leader!”)  The elderly homeowner came out toward the end; she was tickled to meet the kids, and asked if she could give them some little ziplocs of candy when they were done.  (I said yes, but after a piece or two, they got put away in the cupboard.)

Eventually, little fingers got cold and noses were runny, and somebody had to pee, but by then we had bagged probably 30 bags, and all that was left was detail work.  The adults insisted we leave the rest, and we gratefully accepted, exchanged neighborly hugs and high-fives and fist-bumps, and headed for home.  (And then, out to pick up a cake.)

( Even Vivi had really pitched in and worked hard, a nice break from the nasty defiant streak she is currently on.. RADishes are always more willing to work for/be affectionate to people OUTside the familythan  those INside the family, but whatever!  It was really nice to bask in the family-ness of this event, and feel all warm and autumnal/Christmas-y inside and do something nice for somebody else.  Until about 3:00 in the morning when my back and shoulders were SO FREAKIN’ SORE that there was just NO position comfortable for sleep.  Alas.)

Raffle Update: Two Weeks! (A New Incentive)

There are 14 days until the raffle drawing.  Two little weeks!  And we now have more than THIRTY prizes, which is so incredibly INCREDIBLE and generous of you, my readers.  (If you donated something and I don’t have it posted, please zip me an email and kick me in the butt. I’m trying, really I am...)

Not only that, but you have already donated $477 through ChipIn + $175 donated directly to Heartline toward the raffle, PLUS the $600 you donated the first time around (in order to match my $500).  In other words, so far, YOU, my readers, have been responsible for raising  $1752 toward Heartline’s ambulance. You ROCK!

But (come on, you knew there was a But) I know you can do more.  So many of you have said that you are going to donate, but you haven’t gotten around to it yet.

Send me your address.  I will send you your round tuit and you will have no excuse!  :-)

Let me add an incentive to the pot.  IF we can get the ChipIn meter (that currently reads $477) to read $1000 by next Friday, 12/11, at midnight, EST, I’ll add THIS to the prize pool:

THIS is the Keurig Elite Brewing System.  You can use it for K-cup coffee, tea, or hot chocolate.  You can read all the specs here.  It comes with an 18 count K-cup Variety Pack.  I have coveted one of these babies my entire adult life.  This will ONLY become a prize if the ChipIn meter hits $1000 by next Friday.  Want it?  Feed the meter…

(BTW, did you notice that awesome new raffle button?  Maegan made it for me!  It took ME two days to figure out how to put it up.. challenged am I.  If you need cool stuff for your internets and you are as smart as I am about these things, you can reach Maegan at maeganclarkdesign@comcast.net )  This has been a paid political announcement by the Maegan Clark for President campaign.

Christmas Cruds

Christmas cards are the bane of my existence.  I have never liked them.  Ever.

For starters, I am cheap.  And it kills me to shell out money for something that folks are going to rip open, read, and toss in the garbage. MAYBE they will hang it on the closet door first (this is where my folks used to hang them) but eventually, they are going in the garbage. People who are really “New England Thrifty” are going to save them until next year and cut them up using the scissors that make the crinkle cuts and make them into postcards or gift tags, and I can’t help it, but I (mock) hate those people just for being so stinking organized and having those damn scissors in the first place and being able to put the cards away somewhere and come back and LOCATE them again a year later.  What is wrong with them?  Somebody take some of my stuff and put it on their plate..

I love getting the Christmas letters from people, and seriously, I am not being sarcastic, I really do love those Christmas letters.  And I always think, I’m going to sit down and write one this year.  But every year, it’s like one minute it’s Thanksgiving and then the next minute, WHOOSH, it’s New Year’s! and my stack of Christmas cards is still sitting on my desk waiting for me to write the Christmas letter and stick it inside.  And even if I write the thing, there is some extenuating circumstance, like the printer is out of ink, or there’s no paper to print it, or I’m out of stamps.  I can’t win for trying.

So every year, I beat myself up over the fact that no matter when I start my Christmas cards, I never get them out until after the New Year, and I try and joke about it, but really I think How hard can it be? and that I am clearly deficient because I cannot do it, no matter what.

A couple of years ago, I noticed the big trend toward The Photo Card, and I thought, DUDE!  Why am I working so hard when everyone else is just slapping a photo into Snapfish and they don’t even have to sign the things?  And I jumped on that bandwagon, PRONTO.  I do not worry one bit about posing my kids in some cutesy Christmas pose, either, because a) that is SOOOO not me, and b) ever try to get 6 kids to smile at one time? I don’t have all day. So I just used the family “Back to School” photo that I took every year on the Blessed Day they went back to school. (Speaking of The Most Wonderful Time of The Year…)

All of a sudden it is time for Christmas cards again, and I find myself dragging my feet, and I realized today why that is.  Last year, this was the photo in the card.

This year, if I did the photo card, this would be the photo.

I can’t do it. I can’t send that card.  I’m not ready.

Remember when I talked about when someone you love dies, and it’s not real until you tell someone else; until you say it out loud? Sending out that photo card would be like saying it loud. I’m not doing it.

So, I don’t know what I’m going to do this year.  I could, in theory, just buy some cards and sign them and send them out.  But I think, if I’m being honest, what I really plan to do, is a whole lot of nothing.  I’m just not doing it.  Maybe next year.

I love you.  But don’t wait by your mailbox.

(BTW, this is an interesting story.  You may recognize it.  I will remove the link in a couple of days.)

ORLANDO Details

Ok, my lovelies, let’s talk about Orlando.  I would like to start reserving Villas.  Because this is December, and March is right around the corner, believe it or not.  So I need to start getting a headcount, and a headcount with deposits, because everybody wants to come to Orlando!!!!! until it’s time to start collecting the moolah.

A couple of things.

A) I am your party planner.  Your UNPAID party planner.  Your INEXPERIENCED, UNPAID party planner.  And my sweet husband is helping me, and he has lots of experience lining up these kinds of shindigs, but he is also UNPAID and he doesn’t even get to come to the shindig.  So I ask that you be nice to me.  And patient.  Because in addition to planning this shindig, I am: training for a marathon, fundraising for the ambulance, Christmas shopping and my family of 8 for the holiday, dealing with my husband being out of state for 12 out of 31 days this month, planning my own family’s vacation to Orlando in January, homeschooling a defiant child, going through a disruption, taking a trip to PA next week (x 6 days, anyone going to be around? I only have 5 kids with me..), doing behavioral management with a RADish, and, you know, normal day-to-day laundry/cooking/homework/raising up of 5 kids, a husband and 3 dogs.  Not much.

B)  THIS TRIP IS NOT JUST FOR RAD MOMS.  It is, however, just for women.  And lap babies.  And I am sorry about that, to all 2 of my male readers, but sometimes the girls have just got to get away.  So the trip is open to ANY women (married, single, divorced, mom, no kids, grandma, I don’t care).  The theory is that you read my blog, otherwise, how would you know about the trip?  But, if you are coming and you want to bring your sister, or your girlfriend, whatever.  She can come.  As long as she is willing to kiss my feet.  (TOTALLY just kidding. No, I’m not.  Yes I am.)

C) There will be several costs involved with this trip.  Our goal is to keep costs down as much as humanly possible.  The set costs will be: Lodging, Food, and Transportation.  Those you will pay BEFORE you go to Orlando, and you don’t have to pay them all at once.  The OPTIONAL costs will be Alcohol (which will be Pay-As-You-Slurp) and Spa (Pay-Per-Rub).   IF (and that is a HUGE, HUGE IF) there is a van that goes on any sightseeing/excursion trip, there will be a sign-up for that, and that would also obviously be extra.

D) Your Lodging cost will be your deposit.  THIS WILL BE NON-REFUNDABLE. (I mean, really, if I possibly CAN refund it, when the whole she-bang is over, I will.  But if you tell me you’re coming, and I reserve the villa on my credit card, and you put your money in my pretty little hands.. I’m using it to pay that charge on my credit card.  So, it’s gone, until or unless someone else comes along and saves your butt by taking over your spot.

E) I will be using a separate credit card and a separate bank account for the Orlando money, so that I don’t get anything mixed up with our family’s money and so no one worries that I am profiting from this endeavor.  And so I don’t mess anything up and end up spending mortgage money on margaritas.  That would not be good.  I will be as open about the financial stuff as you need/want me to be while trying not to make anyone’s eyes glaze over.  Again, remember, Unpaid Party Planner.

F) At this point, I have pretty much zero idea how many villas I need to rent.  So, that’s okay!  Because Rebecca at VillaDirect is sweet, and totally willing to work with us, and if we need to rent one or two villas at a time and then add on, she’s cool.  So, if you CAN pay your deposit now, awesome.  If you can’t, do not cry and writhe on the floor and think that this means you can’t come to Orlando.  I get that it is December and Christmas is in 23 days (and really, I should be Christmas shopping right now).  STILL, if you plan to come and you CAN’T pay your deposit right now, send me an email at jcwaters2002@yahoo.com and tell me that you are PLANNING to come (and how sure you are about that.. 30% sure? 95% sure?) and when you THINK you will be able to pay your deposit.  That way I can have a general idea of how many people we may end up with (to ballpark out how many villas we need) and can give Rebecca an idea of when we might be ready to reserve additional houses.

G) The villas have two types of bedrooms: single rooms with big (queen or king sized) beds, and double rooms with twin beds.  For the sake of fairness, if you want a single room, you will pay more per night.  There are fewer of these rooms.  If you are willing to shack up with someone share a room, you will save yourself some money.  There is a very complex algorithm (that I can explain if you are really interested, and have a lot of time on your hands.  But bring some strong coffee, because seriously, it puts ME to sleep.) that I used to come up with the 2 lodging costs.. because each villa is actually owned privately and they have different costs for cleaning and per night costs, and seriously, I do not have the patience or the brain capacity to charge one person $144 for a single room in House A and another $129.47 for a single in House B and another person $60.39 for a double in House C.  I can’t keep track of all that.  Nor do I want to.  So here it is, ready?  (Ok, look in the next paragraph).

H) LODGING COST (THIS IS YOUR DEPOSIT):

SINGLE ROOM WITH A BIG (QUEEN OR KING SIZED BED) FOR 3 NIGHTS: $185 (breaks down to $61.67/night)

SHARED/DOUBLE ROOM WITH A TWIN BED FOR 3 NIGHTS: $115 (breaks down to $38.33/night)

(If you are interested in coming for FIVE NIGHTS with the ADVANCE PARTY, see details below in “I”)

This cost includes tax, each person’s “share” of the pool heating fee, and each person’s “share” of the villa cleaning fee.  Each villa has a washer and dryer on site.  Each one has a pool that will be heated for the 3 nights.  They all have phones on the FREECALL system.  The main house has high speed wireless.  Some of the other houses have dial-up internet.  The houses that I am looking at renting are these, in this order (because they are in close proximity to each other).  You can click on them and go look at slideshows of the whole houses and check out the bedrooms and the kitchens and all that.  Do not write and tell me that you want House C with the double room with the Mickey Mouse bedspreads.  I cannot handle that level of detail.  Not yet, anyway.

Magna Opus (4 single rooms + 6 twin beds, room for 10 women total) This will be the “Main House.”

Leonella Villa (2 single rooms + 4 twin beds, room for 6 women total)

Banana Moon (3 single rooms + 8 twin beds, room for 11 women total)

Morning Star (2 single rooms + 4 twin beds, room for 6 women total)

Villa Sariki (2 single rooms + 4 twin beds, room for 6 women total)

New Mercies (4 single rooms + 4 twin beds, room for 8 women total)

I) ADVANCE PARTY:  One house (Magna Opus) will be rented for 5 nights.  This is so that an advance party can come in, do grocery shopping, rent the vans for transportation, hold my drink, do some food & other preparation, shuttle folks back & forth from the airport, help me deal with (my) last minute anxiety attacks, etc.  UP TO TEN WOMEN CAN COME ON ADVANCE PARTY (well, NINE, plus me.)  You’ll also help me convince people that they really DO have to go home when it’s over, shuttle them back to the airport, police up the houses (no serious cleaning.. I mean, seriously, we pay for that..) and have that last little decompression when everyone else goes home.  Lodging costs for Advance Party:

SINGLE ROOM (QUEEN OR KING SIZED BED X 5 NIGHTS= $285 (breaks down to $57/night)

DOUBLE/SHARED ROOM (TWIN SIZED BED) X 5 NIGHTS = $165 (breaks down to $33/night)

IF YOU WANT TO COME ON ADVANCE PARTY, PLEASE, PLEASE, PLEASE, EVEN IF YOU TOLD ME A GAZILLION TIMES, SEND ME AN EMAIL CONFIRMING THIS (jcwaters2002@yahoo.com) AND TELLING ME WHICH KIND OF ROOM YOU PREFER.  WE WILL HAVE 4 SINGLE ROOMS (3 AFTER I HOG ONE) AND 6 TWIN BEDS.

J)  AIRLINE TICKETS:  If you are coming ADVANCE PARTY, you will want to fly in on THURSDAY, 3/4/09 and fly out on TUESDAY, 3/9/09. If you are coming in for the MAIN PARTY, you will fly in on FRIDAY, 3/5/09 and fly out on MONDAY 3/8/09. If you want to come, but you can’t stay for 3 nights, that’s fine.. but your lodging, food, and transportation costs will not change.  Partly because the Villas have a 3 night minimum charge.. and partly because Mama cannot subdivide all those charges and still keep the budget straight.

K) HOW TO PAY:  You can pay me through PayPal using my email address (jcwaters2002@yahoo.com) (so, using a checking account or a credit card).  Or if you don’t like using the tricky tricky internets, you can mail me a check.  As long as it’s not rubber!  But you have to email me to get my mailing address, because I do have some crazies that would like to show up in my yard and hang me in effigy. ( jcwaters2002@yahoo.com)

L) What else?  Ask me.  I might not know the answers yet, but you can ask me.

I Fell In Love Last Night

Last week when I was feeling like I was stretched a little thin, I called an organization here in my town that I knew handled adoption type resources.  Specifically, I wanted to know if they had any respite contacts that did private respite, which they didn’t.  But as I got to talking with them on the phone, they told me about a program they had that intrigued me, called Adoptive Family Preservation.  Basically, it is a program funded through grants from the VA Department of Social Services, the Dave Thomas Foundation and other private foundations, managed through United Methodist Family Services, (which then sets out grants to smaller organizations) to provide post-adoptive services in order to support permanency!  Now, for those of you in the domestic adoption world, this might be a no-brainer.  But in international adoption, or at least in Haitian adoption (because in Haitian adoption, you can adopt independently.. without an agency.. and most families do), there is no such thing as post-adoptive services!!  Yahoo groups are post-adoptive services.  Like, when we came home with Tina, we did not know anyone that had adopted (at all!), never mind from Haiti, and never mind in our community.  So I started a Yahoo group for families in PA that had adopted from Haiti.  And that little group has grown slowly, and now (thanks to the tremendous efforts of some fantabulous folks.. that are NOT ME) we get all of our families together twice a year for little reunions.  And these are just sooooooooo invaluable.  The first time I (nervously) pulled the Mom-mobile up to the campground for a reunion, my kids yelled out “HEY! There are other brown kids here!” and they piled out of the van like they had known these kids their whole lives.  There is something incredibly comforting and accepting to be around other kids that are JUST LIKE THEM.. brown kids with white parents, adopted, from Haiti, etc, etc.  Just like there is something awesome for the parents to be around other parents who are JUST LIKE US.. doing the best we can with all kinds of issues that we never anticipated, and maybe looking a little shell-shocked.  (Oh wait.  That might just be me.)

Anyway.  Once we “entered” the RAD community, we had zero local supports.  Because we didn’t know anyone whose kids had issues like our kids had issues (and we sure as hell weren’t advertising Daniel’s “issues” in our local community).  But I managed to build up a great online supportive community, and that has been invaluable to me.  Seriously, y’all, I could NOT do this without knowing that you are in the soup with me.

But (goodness, I am going all around Robin Hood’s barn today, aren’t I?  Love makes you giddy, I guess) I never had any local support.  So I went to talk to this woman at the AFP program.  And I loved her.  Because her kids are a little RADish too, and my GOODNESS, we got to talking and giggling like two schoolgirls about our kids and the crazy silly stuff they pull, and it just felt SO DELICIOUS!  I seriously just wanted to start crying at how good it felt to have someone right there in the flesh that knew exactly what my life was like and just was a JOY to be with.  (And OH, it made me start counting the days to Orlando!!)  And she told me about all the great things that their program offers, and the one that was most appealing to me were the support groups.  SUPPORT GROUPS! Like, LIVE, and in flesh!  And she said, honey, they meet twice a month, but only once in December, and tonight is it.  And I said,

CRAP!  Because Daddy is away on business, and they are not going to like me very much when I show up with 4 wild children in tow.

And she said, BRING THEM.

So I did.

Now.  Check THIS.  The program staff TOOK MY CHILDREN down the hall, and all the kids were part of a drum circle (which  they RAVED about afterwards.. OH, they just loved it!) and do you know what I did for TWO HOURS??!!  I sat with other parents who have kids just like mine.. and had ADULT CONVERSATION!!  And after about an hour of drumming, the Pizza Man showed up, and they fed the kids while I sat and at pizza WITH ADULTS and I got all sorts of tips about IEPs and giggled and swapped tips and talked about the new gym in town and just ENJOYED myself.

And when it was all over, I brought the kids home, and put them to bed.

Heaven!

Vivi told me today she had so much fun, she wished we could go do that every day.  I had all I could do not to say ME TOO!

Damned

I just want to start by telling you that I argued with myself for a good 15 minutes about whether to title this “Damned” or “D*mned”.. I do not know what has gotten into me.  Clearly I have too much time on my hands.  Well, probably not.  But sometimes the word is the only word, and no matter what, I couldn’t think of a suitable substitute.

Today I got a comment in response to the Thanksgiving post (talking about Vivi’s behavior) that I did not publish, only because I did not want the writer to get negative comments in response.  She wrote:

Why are you letting this child rip your family apart?  She will never suddenly be different and loving.  I do feel for your other kids having to live in an atmosphere like that.  Trying to prove something is just not worth it.  She’d be out my front door pronto.

I laughed, not because the commenter wrote anything funny, but because of the harassment I have taken over disrupting our son’s adoption (where the situation was much, much worse, and our other kids were actually not safe) and now I get it from the other side for keeping this PITA around and struggling so hard to make it work.  Damned if you do, damned if you don’t!  (See?  No other word would do..)

Now, I do want to answer these questions, in all seriousness, because I think they were posed in all seriousness.  And I think they are valid questions.

1) Why are you letting this child tear your family apart? Well, our goal is to NOT let her tear our family apart.  We were definitely frazzled on Thanksgiving, and part of that was our own fault.  We didn’t have a plan, going into it.  We (my husband and I) both knew that she would sabotage the day, and yet we had different opinions about how to handle that.  My opinion was to let her make whatever choices she needed to make, and live with the consequences that she KNEW came with those choices.  His opinion was that kids with RAD sabotage holidays because they don’t feel they deserve good things, thus we have an obligation to help them through the day with extra coaching, encouragement, etc.. and some extra shimmy room.  We should have had a plan ahead of time.  We should have been a unified front.  We know better than to let her divide and conquer.  She is going to spin the way she is going to spin.. it is OUR job to give her a confined space to spin in.  We didn’t do so well this time.  Not the end of the world.  We’ll do better next time.

Part of THAT is doing better self care, and better couples care.  Every couple that has children needs to take breaks from their kids.  Mom needs time when she is NOT Mom, but Corey.  Dad needs time when he is NOT Dad, but Jason.  It is harder to take that time when you’ve got kids with special needs.  You can’t just leave them with the 16 year old sitter down the street and go out to dinner and a movie.  You can’t leave your crew of five with Grandma and jet off to Vegas. It just is what it is.  You’ve got to be deliberate, and you’ve got to be creative.  We’ve gotten complacent.  Lazy.  And next thing you know, you’re fussing about dirty socks on the floor and whose turn it is to put the kids to bed and you are Just.Plain.Burned.Out.  We’ve got to do better.   Sometimes you don’t realize how bad it is until you’re totally crispy.  But we’re working on it.

2) She will never suddenly be different and loving.  Possibly true.  I mean, the suddenly part, definitely true.  If she is ever different, it will be a long, long time from now, after a buttload of hard work.  Maybe she will never be any different.  Maybe she will never know how to love.  Maybe trauma really does change the brain in physical ways and no amount of anything that we do with her will ever make a bit of difference.

What is the alternative to what we are doing?  Giving up on her, at 10?  Writing her off as a “hopeless case?”  Letting her continue to live a life without connections to other people, without emotions, without morals, without remorse?  (Essentially, letting her become a sociopath?)

3) I do feel for your other kids, having to live in an environment like that. Meh.  Our other kids do okay.  They go to school.  They have friends.  They go on playdates.  They watch Hannah Montana. (gag)  They get that there is something wrong with Vivi.  They don’t know what it is, exactly.  They just know that she doesn’t always make good choices, and that she needs to learn to make good choices, and to learn to follow directions and not be defiant.  That she lies a lot, and steals, and that it’s not good to do those things, because then Mom and Dad can’t trust you.  That sometimes she throws big fits and screams that Mom is hurting her, even though that’s not true.. and Vivi will tell them afterwards that it was not true.. but that she wants them to believe her, because she wants them to think that I am a Bad Mom.  They are not the only kids in the world who have a sister with Special Needs.  I imagine it is just as hard to have a sibling with Down Syndrome, or autism, or cancer, or any other myriad of problems.  This just happens to be what they got.

4) Trying to prove something is just not worth it. I don’t know as we’re trying to prove anything.  But the fact is, we adopted this child.  These children.  We brought them into our lives and said, “We will be responsible for these kids.”  We gave them our name.  They are ours.  It’s not something we did lightly, or without forethought.  Did we know how hard it would be to raise a kid with RAD?  No.  And Thank God, because Sister, if people had any idea, I don’t know as anyone would step forward.  (Except those foster moms, but they are a little crazy. fixed in the head. affected. off. on a personal mission from God.) (LOVE YOU, FOSTER MAMAS!!)

5) She’d be out my front door pronto. Well.  There’s kind of a “no-return” policy on adopted kids, especially the international kind.  I mean, we brought her here from another country, took her language from her, and made her an American citizen.  It’s not like we can fly her back to Haiti and say, “Never mind!”  (It’s illegal.  Not to mention immoral.)  We can’t just drive her down to CPS and say, “here, this one is a real PITA, you take her!”  (We’d face criminal charges of child abandonment.)  And guess how many people are lined up around the block begging to even borrow a 10 year old RAD kid for the night.  (Um.  Yeah.  That’s why we have no respite.)   She hasn’t committed any crimes, so there’s no call for the juvenile justice system to get involved.  And you can’t get a kid into a psych hospital unless they are a danger to themselves or others, which she’s not.  So, when you say “out the front door”… to where, exactly?  Because unless you mean to play in the driveway, that’s about as far as you’ll be able to get her.

No, Vivi is here to stay.  And we are in this for the long haul.

That being said, I took an important step yesterday, and bought  a plane ticket.  For Grandma.  Grandma has agreed to come to our house in January, when we go to DisneyWorld so that I can run the marathon.  And she will stay here with Vivi.  And the rest of us will have a break.  In some ways, this was an easy decision; I am toast, I want to be committed to Vivi for the long run, and I want us to be deliberate about taking respite.  I know the trip would be stressful for her, that she would work hard to ruin it, that I would only end up angry that she was there.  On the other, this will be the first “family” vacation without her.

It is what it is.

My Sweet Giveaway Weiners

Ah, November.  I was so thankful when you came.  And now, I’m thankful that you’re over.

I had a LOT of fun with the giveaways this month.  I think I’ll do this again next November!  Different prizes, of course.  I’ve got to keep you on your toes.

There are no BIG Weiners tonight.  But lots (14!) Little Weiners.  I went to Wa.lmart and bought one of every flavor of Lindt chocolate they had, that’s how I came up with the number of Weiners.  And the weiners were not totally randomly chosen tonight.. first I subdivided into groups based on what flavors you liked best (and based on what I had) and chose from those groups (so, for example, if you said you liked hazelnut, I chose Hazelnut candy went to someone from the Hazelnut group.  If you put down more than one flavor, I put your name in the group that gave you the best odds).  Then at the end, I threw all the names of people that didn’t win back into the bucket for the flavors that no one knew about, and chose those.  After all, I don’t want a dark chocolate lover to end up winning white chocolate.  That would be a sacrilege.  Or something.

On to the the Weiners!  (If you see your name, send me an email with your mailing address.  jcwaters2002@yahoo.com )  The post office in town is already totally lovely.

First: Peanut Butter Truffles (Milk chocolate with smooth peanut butter filling): Marty! Remember Marty, lock ‘em up!!

(PS. See how happy Vivi is to participate?  Good, green day today.  Hallelujah!)

#2: MILK CHOCOLATE: (Milk chocolate truffles with a smooth filling): Ericka Scott

Also from the Milk Chocolate family: FIORETTO Assorted (Includes an assortment of elegant pralines with either a smooth caramel, hazelnut nougat or cappuccino filling wrapped in crunchy crisp and find Lindt milk chocolate):  Andrea G!

(This was picture #47.  ”Take the paper out of your nose.  No, I need to be able to see the name.  Can you wipe the toothpaste off your cheek?  Ok, stop with the goofiness.  I cannot see your hands when you put them way up in the air.  Ok, you are about to be fired…)

DARK CHOCOLATE!! (Dark chocolate truffles with a smooth filling): Suzan!

Wow.  I am looking at that picture now and realizing no one can read what that says.  Trust me.  It says Suzan.  Really.  No, Megan, it does NOT say Megan.  Sorry.  Still love you to the moon!

60% EXTRA DARK CHOCOLATE: (My personal favorite: 60% extra dark chocolate shell with a smooth filling): Traci Ann!

What the heck?! Why are the pictures with this kid fuzzy?  One of us must be hopped up on chocolate sugar.

DARK CHOCOLATE BAR: INTENSE ORANGE: (Extra fine dark chocolate with pieces of orange and almond slivers): BRIA GRACE!!

Ok, time for the Nutty Hazelnutters: First, the Hazelnut bar (Creamy smooth milk chocolate with gently roasted hazelnuts): SUE!

 

(PS. Sue, I told her she is betrothed to your boy.. without even seeing pictures, she is having NONE of it.  Kids these days!)

And the Fioretto Hazelnut Nougat (Milk chocolate crisp shell with a Hazelnut Nougat Center):  Mary the MOM! (Mary, I’m sensing your kids might have a hard time figuring out what to get you for Christmas.. send them to my comments section, eh?) xoxo

WHITE CHOCOLATE: (White chocolate with a smooth filling): Stephanie H!

WHITE CHOCOLATE: STRACCIATELLA (White chocolate shell with cocoa pieces with a smooth filling): Rose Anne!

Yes, he is a total hambone.

WHITE CHOCOLATE COCONUT BAR: (Extra fine white chocolate with delicate coconut flakes): Marybeth!

 

Um. Yeah.  Two things.  The sad face is because big sister Jessica had just dropped her second pie of the evening on the kitchen floor. And I said, well, just toss out the rest of the last one, too.  So, the baby said, “I am going to make a sad face.”  I told him, “Do what you’ve got to do, dude.”  And also, your candy bar might be broken in half, I think.  Because some little boy slammed it on the table when the second pie hit the floor.  My condolences.  It will still be yummy, I’m sure.  Better than the pie, anyway.

Speaking of, here is The Pie Killer now:

 

It’s so hard to be my a teenager these days.

The FINAL 3!!  ASSORTED MILK DARK, AND WHITE CHOCOLATE TRUFFLES:  Linda!

 

FIORETTO CARAMEL: (Milk chocolate crisp shell with a caramel center): Cheryl W! Cheryl is new to Lindt, so I will give her the best advice I can.  1) Lindt is not for children.  Lindt is Mommy’s Medicine.  2) They will not listen.  So hide it.  Under lock & key is best. 3) Savor, savor, savor. 4) Never run out.

And Last, but Never Least, Fioretto Cappuccino (Milk Chocolate Crisp Shell with a Cappuccino Center), goes to my favorite Stellar Parent, J! Girlfriend gets NO Glee, and has to make pierogies for 85 people by Saturday, so she deserves EVERY LAST ONE OF ‘EM!!

If you were not a Weiner this month, I am STILL thankful for you, and I still love having you around, and especially hearing from you.  Take a second and delurk, tell me who you are, where you’re from, what your credit card numbers are, you know, just the basics.  Don’t be a stranger!  (After all, you can’t get much stranger than me!)

I want to take just a minute and thank those of you that have come out the last couple of days to enter the raffle.. I am trying to get to each one of you and thank you personally.. AND I WILL.  It really means a great deal to me to have you support Heartline, and (indirectly) to support me by doing so.  One of my sweet friends threw down $2.. it was all she had that she could afford.. that $2 means the world to me.  I don’t want anyone to put themselves into financial hardship.  You’ve got to take care of yourself, your bills, your kids.  But giving a little something up, to make someone else’s life better.. what better gift is there?

I grew up in New Hampshire, and we often listened to Public Radio and watched Public Television.  I would hate when it was time for Pledge Drive.  Oh, those people were SO ANNOYING.  I just wanted them to hurry up and get their money so they would shut up and get back to normal. I know, right now, I am those people.  I am Pledge Drive.  Help me shut myself up.

$5.  Click the button.  Will you?

 

Did You Find the Secret Giveaway?

Today’s the drawing for the secret giveaway.. did you find the post that talked about it?  Did you comment?  It’s SWEET!  You won’t want to miss it!!

My Two Left Feet

Today after taking a long soak in the tub to soothe my tired muscles, I stretched, and ran hobbled 3 slow miles.  As much as I was not looking forward to it and did not particularly enjoy it, I do find that it helps with the stiffness.  Then I took Jess to the mall, where she got her hair cut (EYES! The girl has eyes again!).  We tried to go to the eighth circle of Hell Toys-R-Us to get the tool bench they had advertised, but it was a big fat lie they “ran out”.  So we went to the shoe store and I tried out some new running shoes.  I was totally thrilled to find a new brand and shoe that I liked (Nike Air Pegasus +26) but somehow when I got home, I discovered this:

I think they have more confidence in my running ability than I do.  It would take some Mad Skillz to make this work.

We also took a trip to Coldstone Creamery, because, you know, I never did decide on a 6th pie.  A friend of Jess’s gave her a gift card for Easter, and she had misplaced it in the move.  Then I found it a couple of weeks ago while I was looking for the kids’ winter coats (which I never found.. I think I inadvertently gave them to charity.. which was VERY nice of me, considering they were BRAND NEW, NEVER WORN, from LANDS END! STINK! But anyway, I digress.)  Anyhow, I tucked that gift card away, because I remembered that last year, Coldstone had this amazing dark chocolate peppermint ice cream, and they mixed in some marshmallow something and called it Santa’s something or other.. and OH, it was to DIE for.  So I was just WAITING for it.  Dreaming of it!  And today the girls told me, they’re not going to have it this year.  I did NOT say a no-good-very-bad-word in the ice cream parlor, but I might have THOUGHT one, very loudly.  They said they are going to have gingerbread and eggnog.  Listen, Coldstone.  I will eat my gingerbread WITH my ice cream, but I do not want gingerbread ice cream.  I do, however, want the Santa whatever-you-called it with the peppermint ice cream and the marshmallow yum yum.  PLEASE, for the LOVE of all that is GOOD and HOLY, bring it back!!

Speaking of ice cream (weren’t we?) I mentioned this in the comments the other day, but seriously, this is like a public service announcement, I must mention it again.  Haagen-daz has a seasonal ice cream flavor that you would trade your first-born child for.  I ate ONE little bitty pint of it last year, and have spent ALL YEAR dreaming of it.  It is: Peppermint Bark. “Rich, white chocolate ice cream is blended with crunchy dark and white chocolate peppermint bark and peppermint candy pieces.”   Would you believe that according to the flavor finder, there is no store within a 50 mile radius of me that carries this?  (Fear not, my friends.  I have a trip to PA planned.. and I *know* which of my old haunts carries it.  I *will* binge, yes I will…)

The raffle now has TWENTY-SIX prizes.  WOW!  Go and look.. and then will you consider buying a ticket? Did you know that even over the past few days (when “no one” has been reading blogs.. ) over 800 people have stopped by to read? (Which, seriously, is a little trippy, to me, sitting here in my moon & stars pajama pants.)   But if 800 people gave just $5 right now.. we could raise $4000.  BAM! $5!  That’s like.. the cost of a froo-froo drink at Starbucks.  Or the cost of my ice cream today at Coldstone.   The cost of a stocking stuffer that no one will miss.

$5 doesn’t hurt.  $5 times 800 (or, holy smokes.. imagine times the 2000-2500 that are here on a “normal” day…) can do an amazing amount of good.

Can you?  Will you?

Click the button.

Pie-A-Thon 2009

Don’t we look Norman Rockwell-esque?

(Like my shirt, btw?  My friend Annie gave it to me.  She rocks.  And seriously.. can you believe she’s so cool that she has T-shirts?  Total rock star status.  I’m jealous.)

But yes, back to the Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving:

BOY!  GETCHER TONGUE OFFA MY PIE!

So, as cute as that is, pictures can be deceiving.  We are still far from a Norman Rockwell family.  Vivi had no intention of letting anyone have a decent Thanksgiving.. Girlfriend was out for blood from the time she rolled out of bed.  She wanted to make red choices and lose Thanksgiving dinner.  And Daddy and I had failed to make a plan and come to consensus about how to handle her cantankerous butt.  Which meant while I was going one way, he was going another.  And then I was feeling unsupported, and he was feeling like he had no input.  And doors were being slammed, and FINE! FINE! Do whatever you want! and all that ugliness.

Oh.  Besides all of her behavioral loveliness, she had written me a lovely note telling me that she didn’t want to have Thanksgiving with us, because Thanksgiving was about being thankful for what you had, and she was not thankful for her family, because she didn’t want this one, because we make her do things she doesn’t want to do.  And even though I know not to take any of this crap personally, I just had had enough.  I’m human.  It hurts.

And then meanwhile one party was feeling overworked, overwhelmed, and underappreciated with Thanksgiving preparations, but instead of speaking up and asking the other party for help, they just let it brew, and slammed around the kitchen muttering under my their breath.  Lovely things like “I don’t know why I said Thanksgiving is my favorite holiday, I hate Thanksgiving.  Next year I’m running off to Tahiti for Thanksgiving and I’m not doing a damn thing for anybody!”

Finally it was time to gather the family around the table, and there we were surrounded by this beautiful feast and this beautiful family, and we started to recite “God is great, God is good..” and all of a sudden I burst into tears and got up and fled to the bathroom.

Yeah.  Awkward.

I had a little cry, splashed some water on my face, went back to the table, dished plates, ate, and then announced I was “going out” for a while.  Which my dear sweet husband was smart enough to recognize as a break for the airport.  He insisted we talk first.  It did not go well.  I am a bit of a “make a big noise, scream, cry, run out of the house” kind of girl, when I am overcooked, and I was overcooked.  So I did all of those things.  And then I was mad because I forgot my phone and I couldn’t even call my mom and have a good cry.

Suck.

So I went home.  And we had a good talk, which was productive this time, and a lot like this one.

This is a hard life.  HARD.  And I know, this is the life we chose, and blah blah blah.  But that doesn’t make it any easier.  It doesn’t make the heartbreak of disruption (and all the prior history, and hurt feelings on both sides) go away.  It doesn’t make the stress of dealing with Vivi’s malarkey on a daily basis any less.

I cried at the drop of a hat for the rest of the day.  Including while watching Glee on Hulu while I finished Vivi’s hair.  And (ok, don’t laugh at me) while watching Transformers 2: Revenge of the Fallen, when (spoiler alert) the ancient airplane gave up his own parts so that Optimus Prime would be strong enough defeat the Decepticon leader.

Yeah.  Pathetic.

Today I feel better.  We will never celebrate Thanksgiving again.  We will recover.  We will work on spending more time together, and on communicating better.  We will start giving Jess an allowance to watch the kids on Saturday night after they go to bed, even if we just go play Wii in the basement for a while.  We will not let our marriage tank.

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Today I ran 18 miles.  This is now my longest run in 11 years.  I usually take 4 Ibuprofen before I start my long run.  Today I forgot.  (BIG mistake.)  The first 15 were okay.  The next 2 after that were hard.  The last one was really, really, really hard.  I know, without a doubt, that I can finish this marathon.  Not because I ran 2 marathons 11 years ago, but because of all I survived during the last 3 years.  Like running could stop me?  Meh.   I am so much stronger mentally than I was 11 years ago.  Or 5.   However, I did decide that this is the last marathon I’m ever going to do.  There is just nothing natural about this distance.  A half-marathon, great, I enjoy that.  A marathon?   No.  Those people are just crazy.

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So.  How was your day?